Books

In this section you can find information on all of my own books;

“Parents of children who announce a transgender identity often find themselves in a world of confusion and contradiction. These brilliant, clear-eyed authors — all with extensive clinical experience — have written the emergency survival guide for families.”
— Abigail Shrier

Being the parent of a gender-questioning child is confusing. There is a lot of advice out there, but much of it goes against what many parents feel instinctively is the right approach. And the stakes are very high if you get it wrong.

There have been many books written for parents who are facilitating a child's gender transition, but almost none for parents who decide that social or medical transition is not the best option for their child.

Written by three professionals working in the field - Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano and Stella O'Malley - When Kids Say They're Trans is explicitly a resource for parents who want their children to flourish, but do not believe that hasty medicalisation is the best way to ensure long-term health and well-being.

Parents who have successfully helped their children navigate gender distress without resorting to surgery and hormones have done so by actively taking the reins, not waiting until they found the right therapist or doctor. When Kids Say They're Trans will tell you all you need to know, and will give you the confidence to trust your own instincts.

©2023 Sasha Ayad, Lisa Marchiano, Stella O'Malley (P)2023 Swift Press Audio

MEDIA REVIEWS

‘Brilliant, compassionate, and wise beyond measure, therapists Marchiano, Ayad, and O'Malley provided a haven of understanding and calm support for me after my child announced a trans identity. Their insights helped me regain my parental footing and helped our family stay connected through a very challenging time. What a gift to have their insight and expertise available!' - Kate Parker, parent and library director

‘Sasha, Stella, and Lisa bring enormous warmth, insight, and intelligence to the care of troubled children and teenagers. This book is essential reading for all parents and professionals supporting young people struggling with the issue of gender identity’ - Louise Perry

'A wise and empathic resource for parents struggling with intensely difficult parenting terrain, based on the authors’ extensive expertise as therapists for gender-dysphoric youth. A godsend for lonely and anguished parents trying to do the best for their trans-identified child' - Kathleen Stock, author of Material Girls

‘Parents of children who announce a transgender identity often find themselves in a world of confusion and contradiction. These brilliant, clear-eyed authors – all with extensive clinical experience – have written the emergency survival guide for families’ - Abigail Shrier, author of Irreversible Damage: Teenage Girls and the Transgender Craze

'Compassionate and measured ... thoughtful' - Sarah Ditum, The Times

‘There is perhaps no subject today that is more complicated, fraught, and confusing than the sudden rise in gender dysphoria among young people. Parents encountering this issue for the first time will be hit with a tidal wave of conflicting opinions, theories, and “experts” that, however well-meaning, are guided by an incoherent and potentially harmful ideology. The book could not have come soon enough. Its authors are leading figures in the effort to bring sense and rationality to the conversation. Moreover, they are experienced clinicians who understand that gender dysphoric youth deserve meaningful psychotherapeutic treatment, not blind approbation on the internet. For any parent embarking on the gender journey, When Kids Say They're Trans should be the first stop along the way’ - Meghan Daum, host of The Unspeakable Podcast and author of The Problem With Everything: My Journey Through The New Culture Wars

‘These three authors empower parents ... this book can provide parents of transgender-identified children with the guidance and support that they need to get through it, with relationships intact … This is a vital resource, and I highly recommend it' - Debbie Hayton, The Critic

‘When Kids Say They’re Trans contains all the information a thinking, caring parent needs … calm, reasonable argument for exploratory therapy’ - Jenny Poyer Ackerman, Year Zero

“‘Stella O’Malley’s bible for parents raising troubled teenagers’”
— The Sunday Times

Stella has walked many miles on ‘Planet Teen’. She understands difficult teenagers – she was one herself, and as a psychotherapist she has spent many hours working alongside unhappy adolescents.

Stella takes parents inside the teenage brain and provides practical advice for each of the key milestones teenagers need to tackle during adolescence to become happy, healthy adults.

You will learn how to navigate many issues, including anxiety, obsession with technology, body confidence and the sexual self. Rather than always looking to ‘fix’ the situation, you will instead be empowered to know when and how to intervene and when to allow your teen to work it out for themselves.

Ultimately, you will understand your teen better and learn to rekindle joy in your relationship.

Publisher: Swift Press
ISBN: 9781800752542

Media Reviews

'Stella O'Malley is the voice of compassion and reason needed by anyone helping a child to navigate the rocky teenage years. This invaluable book is packed with wise advice and evidence-based hints and tips, organised by theme for ease of reference. A book you'll turn to again and again' - Helen Joyce

'Parenting teenagers has never been harder: Stella O'Malley offers parents a humane, loving template for navigating the storm. Encouraging parents to be confident with their boundaries, but also generous with their patience and affection, this book shows that you can be good enough - and its practical good sense will help you to achieve just that' - Sarah Ditum

'A warm, wise, and compassionate voice that will reassure any parent struggling with the teen in their life' -   Kathleen Stock, author of Material Girls

'An essential parenting manual for complex times. Utterly brilliant - Stella's voice is reassuring and she covers absolutely everything. Every parent of teens needs this book. A much-needed book for a generation of children under pressure, and the parents who love them' - Milli Hill, Author of The Positive Birth Book

'Written with compassion and clarity, this is a reassuringly practical guide to the art of parenting teens through the tricky times' - Rachel Rooney, children's author and poet

'I liked the bits I read because you can tell Stella O'Malley really LIKES young people, which you don't see very often. I especially liked the section on perfectionism and fear of failure, and it helped me understand why I worry about letting people down. I feel we are all being pressured into growing up too quickly, and I think this book gives me support in helping to pushback   against peer pressure and to say when something is making me unhappy, and to say WHY, when before I didn't really understand why' - Teen (15)

'This is the most readable and practical guide to parenting a teenager imaginable ... It's directly relevant to contemporary teen culture, with its hazards of accessible hard porn and bullying by social media, as  well as the apparent paradox of a more liberal cultural approach to sexuality combined with teens still experiencing deep shame and being fearful of  growing up ... this is also a book to read if you are still in need of  learning forgiveness toward and understanding of your own inner teen. Stella O'Malley writes beautifully in a frank and straightforward fashion. I would recommend it to every parent, as well as to teenagers themselves' -   Victoria Whitworth, author of Swimming with Seals

'A much needed guide for parents to navigate through the perils and the unknowns of adolescence ... The author brilliantly exposes the diverse problematics that teens can encounter and she offers parents with guidance and support, in a very pragmatic way. I found particularly insightful the chapter on gender identity and gender dysphoria, that sheds a light into what might be a traumatic phase for many adolescents who struggle to accept themselves ... What Your Teen is Trying to Tell You sheds a light into one of the most difficult phases of human development, if not the most difficult. Any parent should read this book and keep it close, in case they'll need to read it twice' - Paola Diana, Author, Entrepreneur & Podcast Host

'What Your Teen is Trying to Tell You reminds parents that they themselves can have much more impact than they realize. This advice is much needed in a world where it's arguably harder than ever to be a teen, with online pressures, unprecedented levels of isolation and loneliness, and   the resulting sense of parental futility. Using well-known principles of psychological understanding and age-old wisdom, O'Malley invites parents to lean into the opportunity to be a more confident and competent parent and help their children to truly thrive' - Sasha Ayad, licensed counsellor

Book Interviews & Book Reviews

“This is by far one of the best books I’ve read on anxiety, depression and how to overcome or live with it in a positive, realistic and triumphant way. This book is like having a good friend in your house and that friend is you.”
— Online review

Stella’s new book moves beyond parenting books to general self-help and explores the reasons why so many people feel more anxious, overwhelmed and stressed than ever. The way that we are encouraged to emphasise our emotions, often causing more harm than good, and how we are misreading mental health messages is also scrutinised. With a particular interest in the rising levels of anxiety, she shows us how our increasingly perfectionist and materialistic society has created a society shallow and toxic that is high on expectation and low on satisfaction.

After examining why and how we feel so overwhelmed and anxious, the second half of the book focuses on tapping into our inner strength so that we can learn to stop giving our power away. More than anything, this book, with a series of simple thinking tools, helps the reader to move forward to a place where they can experience challenges to their mental health and yet feel adequately empowered to address their issues. Released by Gill Books,  here is a link to a blog post on Gill Books, which extracts a little bit of chapter 5. READ MORE HERE 

Also, available on audiobook. AVAILABLE HERE

Articles

The Telegraph, 16/04/2019: ‘'There’s a power in being fragile now. You get attention and status from it'  Discussing how we need turn the word ‘strong’ back into a compliment  

Sunday Business Post Magazine, 07/04/2019: ‘Careering towards an early grave’   Work-related anxiety is an epidemic that is plundering our mental health and, in some cases, endangering our very lives. Here, psychotherapist Stella O’Malley shows how to get off the bandwagon

Offaly Independent, 04/04/2019: ‘Mundy to launch Birr author's book on anxiety’ 

Irish Independent, 01/04/2019: The 'anxious well': What can we do to confront our anxiety and begin to reduce it? Interview with Emily Hourican.

Television

This Morning, ITV, Thursday, 18/04/2019: Could we actually increase levels of anxiety by being so open about our mental health? Giving my thoughts on this and other questions.

WATCH HERE

Ireland AM, Wednesday, 17/04/2019: On the couch talking about ‘Fragile’

WATCH HERE

Radio

The Late Lunch, LMFM, 02/05/19: Talking to Gerry Kelly about ‘Fragile’ and anxiety, its causes and how to deal with it LISTEN HERE 

The Last Word with Matt Cooper, Today FM, 12/04/2019: Why We're More Anxious, And What We Can Do About It’ LISTEN HERE 

The Ray Darcy Show, RTE Radio 1, 10/04/2019: ‘Fragile - Stella O'Malley’ Talking to Ray about anxiety has been described as the epidemic of our generation and it is now the most common mental illness in Ireland. Psychotherapist Stella O’Malley is looking at why we feel more anxious, stressed and overwhelmed and what we can do about it. LISTEN HERE 

Lunchtime Live, Newstalk, 08/04/2019: Talking about new book ‘Fragile’ LISTEN HERE

“‘Stella O’Malley avoids jargon and uses insightful case studies to analyse bullying’”
— Irish Times

Bully-Proof Kids offers concrete strategies to empower children and teenagers to deal confidently with bullying and dominant characters.

We can't always be there to protect our kids as they make their way in theworld. What we can do is equip them with the tools they need to ensurethey have a positive social experience.

Based on many years' experience counselling bullies and targets, StellaO'Malley offers concrete strategies to empower children and teenagers to dealconfidently with bullying and dominant characters.

She identifies effective ways for families to cope when bullying occurs, includingapproaching the school authorities, communicating with the bully'sparents and tips to tackle cyberbullying.

Stella's common-sense approach will help your child, tween or teen to developtheir emotional intelligence and will provide relief for families navigating therapidly changing social environment, both online and in school.

When you’re a child, tween or teen, the social scene can be difficult to handle. Some kids haven’t yet developed the social skills to be able to cope confidently in this toxic world where bullies won’t let up, worried victims are ashamed to tell and bystanders don t act to help the situation. 'Bully-Proof Kids' gives parents – and kids – the tools to break the cycle by examining the factors that contribute to bullying: the school environment; the personalities of those involved; and the often-overlooked role of bystanders.

Media Reviews

Lynette Fay Show, BBC Ulster, Bully-Proof Kids, 30/06/2022

Northern Echo, ‘Six common-sense ways to help children deal with bullying’, 19/05/2022

Daily Mail, ‘Is YOUR child a bully?’, 14/04/2022

The Guardian, How to bully-proof your kids for life 19/03/2022

Comments

“‘A very handy tool for parents’ ”
— Alison Curtis, Today FM
“‘offers different approaches which will empower children to deal confidently with different characters.... the advise is very practical - a rock of sense all the way through’”
— Ireland AM, TV3
“‘a fascinating read...I would recommend it to all parents.’”
— Today With Sean O'Rourke, RTE1 Radio
“‘this book is a great place to start if you need it’”
— Dr Ciara Kelly, Newstalk
“‘Bully-Proof Kids’ is the secret weapon that every parent should invest in.’ ”
— mummypages.ie
“‘Stella provides great tips on how to protect your kids’ ”
— Maura Derrane, Today With Maura & Daithi, RTE1
“‘It’s a fantastic book and I imagine that lots of people will be reading it’”
— Daithi O Se, Today with Maura & Daithi, RTE 1

Cotton Wool Kids

“For us paid-up members of the overparenting generation Stella O’Malley’s common sense is a huge relief”
— Brendan O'Connor

What has happened to Irish childhood? Parents are keeping their children indoors for fear of predators lurking around every corner and children are spending their days in front of screens or in supervised activities, over-controlled and growing steadily fatter and more unhappy.

But it doesn't have to be like this. Commercial interests ensure parents feel anxious and filled with fear simply to sell them more stuff, when in fact childhood has never been safer; the rates of child mortality, injury and sexual abuse are lower today than at any time since records began. 'Cotton Wool Kids' exposes the truth behind the scary stories and gives parents the information and the confidence to free themselves from the the treadmill of after-school activities and over-supervision that has become common today. The author provides parents with strategies to learn how to handle the relentless pressure from society and the media to provide a 'perfect' childhood and instead to raise their children with a more relaxed and joyful approach, more in touch with the outdoors and the community around them.